Rejection

By Sarah O'Driscoll (Counsellor)

What is rejection?
Rejection can be defined as the act of refusing to accept, use or believe someone or something, it can be experienced on a large scale or in smaller ways in day to day life either way rejection can have a profound impact on an individual. (Dictionary, 2020)

Rejection is something that we will all experience at some point in our lives often multiple times but a topic that we do not like to talk about for fear of judgement or embarrassment.
 
Rejection often results in feelings of shame, sadness and grief and can be incredibly painful for some people, especially as rejection can deeply impact self-worth and confidence and initiate feelings of loneliness and isolation. Rejection often causes immense pain as the individual feels unwanted, that they are not valued and are not accepted. Ongoing or rejection that continues over an extended period of time can have significant psychological effects : trauma, depression, pain responses, PTSD, self-harming behaviours, eating disorders, anxiety, stress and in some instances it has been identified that perpetrators of abuse experienced rejection from their parents.
 
There are a few differing forms of rejection:
Familial Rejection : where the rejection occurs in the family unit and is generally abuse, neglect, abandonment or with holding love and affection this form of rejection can have an impact throughout the life of an individual.
Social Rejection: this form of rejection can begin in childhood and be experienced in schools and workplaces generally in the form of alienation or bullying.
Rejection in a relationship: this is where a person in the relationship is treated less than they may be referred to as an acquaintance, be refused affection or denied participation in events.
Romantic rejection: this can occur when a date is refused or ignored, or romantic feelings not reciprocated. (Therapy, 2020)
 
So how can we cope or deal with rejection?
Talk therapies are beneficial they can assist in overcoming wounds that have occurred as a result of rejection from a loved one and learning to accept other types of rejection that can occur in daily life.
 
Here are some strategies you can implement if you find yourself struggling with rejection:

• Remind yourself it happens to everyone – no one is excluded from feeling rejected it is a part of life and will happen.
• Validate your feelings – rejection often involves uncomfortable feelings of embarrassment and awkwardness, but it is important to acknowledge these feelings so that you can deal with the situation and move on.
• Look for learning opportunities – sometimes being rejected can enable you to grow re evaluate the situation and how you would handle it or something similar in the future.
• Lean on your support network – connect with those you care about and that care about you they will reinforce your worthiness and value.
• Reject that negative self-talk – it is extremely easy to begin negative self-talk and self-criticism after experiencing rejection remember to speak kindly to yourself YOU are the one listening. (Raypole, 2020)

References:
Dictionary, C. (2020, September 11.09.2020). Definition. Retrieved from Cambridge Dictionary: https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/rejection
Raypole, C. (2020, September 11th). 10 tips for overcoming your fear of rejection. Retrieved from Healthline: https://www.healthline.com/health/fear-of-rejection#avoid-negative-self-talk
Therapy, G. (2020, Septemberq 11th). Rejection. Retrieved from Good Therapy: https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/rejection