Loneliness

By Lily Phan (Psychologist)

“The most terrible poverty is loneliness
​and the feeling of being unloved.”
- Mother Theresa

Advancing social connection has been a public health priority in the United States of America for the past several years (Holt-Lunstad, Robles & Sbarra, 2017). Now more than ever, as we face a global pandemic with the Coronavirus, there are increased concerns about the psychological consequences of reduced social connection which can result in feelings of loneliness.
 
What is loneliness?
Loneliness is a complex set of feelings that arise from an individual’s perceived deficits of intimate and social needs (Ernst & Cacioppo, 1999).
 
Risks of loneliness
Unsurprisingly, loneliness is associated with depression, hostility, pessimism, social withdrawal, distrust of self and others, low positive affect, and relationship dissatisfaction (Ernst & Cacioppo, 1999). Clinical depression, borderline personality disorder, and schizophrenia are also associated with loneliness (Ernst & Cacioppo, 1999).
 
Psychological research in 2017 discovered that loneliness can pose a greater risk for premature death than smoking or obesity (Holt-Lunstad, Robles & Sbarra, 2017). This startling research is not new, as a meta-analysis conducted two years earlier on social isolation (actual and perceived) had revealed that isolation is associated with increased risk for early mortality (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2015).
 
How long do feelings of loneliness last?
For some, loneliness is transient. For others, however, loneliness has roots in childhood and early attachment processes and can be chronic (Ernst & Cacioppo, 1999).
 
What can I do if I am feeling lonely?

1. Connect with others. You can connect by texting, messaging, calling, or video-calling someone to have a chat. Just catching up for no reason can be a good reason. Increasing communication with others can reduce the feelings of loneliness, particularly if you find yourself drawn into good conversation. This is not the cure to loneliness but can help alleviate some ‘longing’ associated with deficits in social interaction.
2. Read a book. Reading a book and being absorbed into a different world can help serve as a positive distraction to feelings of loneliness. Don’t like old school reading? Try an audiobook instead; get the benefits of reading a book without the actual reading!
3. Watch a television series or movie. Like reading, watching a television series or movie can help distract you from drowning in your own thoughts.
4. Learn a language. Languages are rich in history and culture, and they can truly help you see the world from a different perspective. You do not need to be fluent or even commit to learning another language for a long time; you can give it a go for a week or two just to see how it is.
5. Connect with yourself. Whatever ‘connecting’ means for you. This one can be harder than it sounds, so allow some time for this.
6. Seek professional help. Whether it be from a psychologist or a counsellor, getting professional support can help you dig deeper into why you are feeling the way you feel and what you can do going forward. You are not alone.

References:
Ernst, M. J. & Cacioppo, J. T. (1999). Lonely hearts: Psychological perspectives on loneliness. Applied and Preventive Psychology, 8(1), 1-22. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0962-1849(99)80008-0.
Holt-Lunstad, J., Robles, T. F., & Sbarra, D. A. (2017). Advancing social connection as a public health priority in the United States. American Psychologist, 72(6), 517-530. https://doi.org/10.1037/amp0000103.
Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., Baker, M., Harris, T., & Stephenson, D. (2015). Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality: A meta-analytic review. Perspectives on Psychological Science. https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691614568352.