|
By Lily Phan (Psychologist)  “The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved.” - Mother Theresa Advancing social connection has been a public health priority in the United States of America for the past several years (Holt-Lunstad, Robles & Sbarra, 2017). Now more than ever, as we face a global pandemic with the Coronavirus, there are increased concerns about the psychological consequences of reduced social connection which can result in feelings of loneliness.
What is loneliness? Loneliness is a complex set of feelings that arise from an individual’s perceived deficits of intimate and social needs (Ernst & Cacioppo, 1999). Risks of loneliness Unsurprisingly, loneliness is associated with depression, hostility, pessimism, social withdrawal, distrust of self and others, low positive affect, and relationship dissatisfaction (Ernst & Cacioppo, 1999). Clinical depression, borderline personality disorder, and schizophrenia are also associated with loneliness (Ernst & Cacioppo, 1999). Psychological research in 2017 discovered that loneliness can pose a greater risk for premature death than smoking or obesity (Holt-Lunstad, Robles & Sbarra, 2017). This startling research is not new, as a meta-analysis conducted two years earlier on social isolation (actual and perceived) had revealed that isolation is associated with increased risk for early mortality (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2015). How long do feelings of loneliness last? For some, loneliness is transient. For others, however, loneliness has roots in childhood and early attachment processes and can be chronic (Ernst & Cacioppo, 1999). What can I do if I am feeling lonely?
References: Ernst, M. J. & Cacioppo, J. T. (1999). Lonely hearts: Psychological perspectives on loneliness. Applied and Preventive Psychology, 8(1), 1-22. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0962-1849(99)80008-0. Holt-Lunstad, J., Robles, T. F., & Sbarra, D. A. (2017). Advancing social connection as a public health priority in the United States. American Psychologist, 72(6), 517-530. https://doi.org/10.1037/amp0000103. Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., Baker, M., Harris, T., & Stephenson, D. (2015). Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality: A meta-analytic review. Perspectives on Psychological Science. https://doi.org/10.1177/1745691614568352. By Sarah O'Driscoll (Counsellor)  Organisation and time management tend to be two key principles of our lives that many people struggle with, if we do not apply and execute these correctly the result is often stress, anxiety, disarray, and feelings of being overwhelmed. So, what do we mean by time management? Time management is the ability to manage time using a range of skills, tools and techniques, to effectively manage tasks, projects, goals and schedules. (Ashby, 2020) Being able to manage your time effectively in all areas of your life is essential to being organised and to complete your day to day schedule: from days to day errands and tasks to meeting deadlines at work and reaching KPIs. If you can get time management right you will feel more organised and in turn less stressed and more in control and focused. Some key strategies you can implement to help get you started: Set priorities – the easiest way to do this is to write a “To Do” list, this can be done at the start of your day, week or month whichever suits your lifestyle best and prioritise those items. The goal is not to complete every single item but to complete those that are of high priority. Use a planning tool – this may be in an electronic form or diary/schedule, the key is to refer to it often, these tools can help jog your memory and refocus your time on your schedule and priorities. Get organised – the first step is to declutter, get rid of everything that you do not need, clear your space, this can also relieve stressors before you even start to try to manage your time. The second step is to implement a system that allows you to handle information once or less this typically can occur in 5 ways:
Schedule your time appropriately – scheduling is not just recording what you need to do but it is making a time commitment to yourself to do the things that you want and need to do. Schedule your high priority items at the time of day you are most productive this will ensure these items will be completed. Stop procrastinating – there are so many reasons we put off tasks, we may not want to do them, or they may be overwhelming. If this is the case, try breaking these tasks down into smaller more manageable tasks or implementing a reward system on completion. Self-care – it is equally as important to schedule “relax” time, this relaxes and rejuvenates you both physically and mentally and allows you to accomplish tasks more effectively. To reduce stress, you can reward yourself with “relax” time after you accomplish certain tasks. (Chapman, 2020) In conclusion, prioritising, commitment and scheduling are the keys to being effective at time management, if these can be mastered stress and anxieties will decrease and feelings of control and accomplishment will prevail. References: Ashby, D. F. (2020, July 25th). Definition of time management. Retrieved from Management Skills advisor: http://www.managementskillsadvisor.com/definition-of-time-management.html Chapman, S. W. (2020, July 25th). Time Management. Retrieved from University of Georgia Extension: https://extension.uga.edu/publications/detail.html?number=C1042&title=Time%20Management:%2010%20Strategies%20for%20Better%20Time%20Management By Sarah O'Driscoll (Counsellor)  What is motivation? “Motivation” is derived from the word “motive” which means desires, needs, wants, or drives within an individual. It is a process of stimulating an individual to actions to accomplish their goal or goals. (Juneja, 2020) To set goals and accomplish tasks in life we need to be motivated to complete actions to achieve these goals and tasks. So why is motivation so important? motivation increases the effort that we put in the more motivated we are the more effort we put in and in turn the more we get accomplished. Being motivated also boosts productivity once you are in the “flow” of an action or task it can be surprising how much you can accomplish all thanks to motivation. Motivation helps you get from A to B, along the path to achieving your hopes and dreams, without being motivated you are less likely to achieve these. Motivation is the catalyst for change or setting a goal, it helps you to identify goals, prioritise your activities and actions, overcome setbacks that may arise and staying on track. (Souders, 2020) So what can you do to increase motivation? 1. Move your body. Go for a quick walk around create movement in your body, movement creates emotions of energy and alertness and increases motivation. 2. Review your goals and purpose. One of the most common reasons we lack or loose motivation is because we loose the connection between the work and why we want to do the work, so a great way to re-engage motivation is to review your goals and purpose. 3. Use mental images. A great way to boost motivation is to run through mental images in your mind of what the pay off will be if you complete the task and accomplish your goals, similarly you can run through what the consequences will be if you don’t complete the tasks. 4. Create a small reward for yourself. A great way to create immediate motivation is to create small rewards for yourself, make a deal with yourself if you can get the work done you can have a reward like watch a movie etc 5. Stimulate your environment. Create a stimulating environment for you to complete the work, this may be music, post it notes of affirmations or vision boards of your ultimate goals and purpose. 6. Start with an easy task. A common reason why people fail to act is because they try to tackle everything at once and become overwhelmed and loose motivation, start by breaking your goals down in to smaller, more manageable tasks 7. Create a to-do list and schedule tasks. A great way to promote motivation and prevent overwhelming feelings is to create a list of tasks to do and prioritise them, once you have these down in writing it makes it easier to keep on track and keep motivated. 8. Dive straight in. Often the best way to combat to motivation is to dive straight in and do it, as the momentum builds so does the motivation. (Lim, 2020) In conclusion we as human beings require motivation to take actions in all aspects of our lives to ultimately achieve self-actualisation, we need to practice daily for it to become a habit and keep that internal fire burning. As Zig Ziglar said “people often say that motivation doesn’t last well, neither does bathing that’s why we recommend it daily”. References: Juneja, P. (2020, July 12th). Motivation. Retrieved from Management Study Guide: https://www.managementstudyguide.com/what_is_motivation.htm Lim, S. (2020, July 12th). Why motivation is important and 10 ways to get more of it. Retrieved from Stunning motivation the kick you need in life : https://stunningmotivation.com/why-motivation-is-important/ Souders, B. (2020, July 12th). What is motivation ? A psychologist explains. Retrieved from Positive Psychology: https://positivepsychology.com/what-is-motivation/  A family can be described as a group of people that can be made up of partners, children, parents , grandparents, cousins, aunts, and uncles. The definition of a family is a group of people who share common ancestors. (Dictionary, 2020) However, to some the definition can take on a different meaning and has nothing to do with blood and ancestry but instead based on love, support, and compassion values which we value incredibly. A family provides a safe space for personal growth and a safe environment of influence, laying the foundations to be able to form other relationships we long for in life like friendships and romantic partnerships. (Admin, 2020) Over time the family dynamic has changed and now takes on many forms, Nuclear family: consists of 2 parents and children Single parent family: consists of 1 parent raising 1 or more children Extended family: these families consist of 2 or more adults who are related by blood or marriage living in the same home, these relatives will work towards common goals like child raising. Childless family: consists of two partners who live together but do not have children Stepfamilies: these families are generally two families post-divorce or separation blending to create a new family unit The grandparent family: this style of family consists of the grandparents raising the children and this can occur for many reasons. (Blessing, 2020) So, given the importance of family and its members, when a conflict occurs it impacts the whole family. Therefore, it is imperative to be proactive in resolving these issues, if not there can be instances of isolation, exclusion, and negative confrontations. How do we resolve family conflicts and maintain the family dynamic? Communication is the key, it enables each family member to express their wants, needs and concerns and often, when communication breaks down conflicts arise. Communication in the family unit needs to be nurtured and maintained , how do we do that ? here are some steps that can be taken to improve family communication. 1. Schedule Family time – this is particularly important as life can be incredibly busy, but scheduling in an activity that involves the whole family can solidify those relationships. 2. Establish family routines – these can be a weekly movie, a bike ride or walk or a book before bedtime for children these activities also generate opportunities for family member interaction and stability 3. Eat meals together – try to ensure the family eats meals together at least a few times a week this creates a positive experience for the family to look forward to, and conversation is often generated in a comfortable less confronting environment 4. Allow for 1 on 1 time – it is important to spend 1 on 1 time with different members of the family it enables deeper connections and opportunities for communication and conversation especially for those members who are not as comfortable opening up in a group environment. 5. Be an active listener – this is particularly important, when you are listening to a family member give them 100% of your focus and attention, it can be beneficial to summarize what they have said and repeat it back to them this shows your understanding and attention. 6. Attack the problem, not each other – when conflict arises focus on the problem not the family member involved, show unconditional love for the person involved while still communicating your concerns over the issue. 7. Show kindness and appreciation – this can help promote positive emotions among family members and is incredibly meaningful and powerful. 8. Stay connected through technology – although we generally want to separate ourselves from technology while communicating it can be an important tool to keep in touch with our loved ones when distance or less in person interactions are viable. (G, 2020) References: Admin. (2020, June 30th). Core Aspect. Retrieved from Core Aspect : https://coreaspect.org/reasons-family-much-important-life/ Blessing, M. (2020, June 30th). Lifestyle. Retrieved from Love to know: https://family.lovetoknow.com/about-family-values/types-family-structures Dictionary, Y. (2020, June 30th). Your dictionary. Retrieved from Your dictionary: https://www.yourdictionary.com/family G, A. (2020, June 30th). 8 Steps to better family communication. Retrieved from Froddo: http://www.froddo.com/8-steps-to-better-family-communication  A relationship can be defined as the way in which two people are connected or the way they behave toward each other. (Dictionary, 2020) There are three incredibly important types of relationships in our lives:
We as human beings value relationships immensely, they are an integral part of our survival, mental and emotional wellbeing, and overall health. When we are able to establish and maintain healthy relationships, we feel less stress, experience better healing, have healthier behaviours, a greater sense of purpose and a longer life. These strong, positive relationships that we long for require nurturing, care, and effective communication. Communication in terms of relationships is incredibly important it allows the explanation of feelings, experiences , wants , needs, and desires it also plays a part in maintaining connections. Miscommunication is a leading cause of conflict in all types of relationships, so it is so incredibly important that we can practice and maintain effective communication to ensure these relationships are long lasting. So how can we communicate better?
We all express ourselves in different ways we can call it our “communication language”, we need to ensure we take the time to learn and understand the way in which those we are in relationships communicate this will in turn ensure effective communication and fulfillment in all of the different relationships in our lives. References: Dictionary, C. (2020, June 23rd). Meaning of relationship in English. Retrieved from Cambridge Dictionary : https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/relationship Medicine, N. W. (2020, June 23rd). HealthBeat. Retrieved from North Western Medicine: https://www.nwm.org UK, H. (2020, June 23rd). Better Health UK. Retrieved from Better Health UK: https://assertbh.org.uk By Lily Phan (Psychologist)  “Failure is simply an opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” |
Lily Phan PsychologyLily has almost a decade of field experience working with children and parents, adolescents, adults, and families in private practice, hospital, and community settings. Lily is passionate about her work as a psychologist and believes in the value of therapy not only for reducing symptoms and improving mental health, but also for clients to learn skills and tools to create more fulfilling and meaningful lives. Archives
February 2021
Categories |
RSS Feed